Blaming Kev for the weather

Brisbane has had its worst winter. Ever.

And I’m blaming Kevin Rudd.

I’m blaming him for taking away our endless, sunny, winter days and replacing them with dreary, Canberra-like gloom. I’m blaming him for the rain, the cold and the miserable climate we now have.

I guess he’s not alone. The rest of the Labor Party and The Greens can take some credit too.

There’s good reason to blame Kevin and his cohorts.

The Labor government has imposed a tax to change our climate.

And I’m optimistic enough to believe that our government is not so stupid as to impose a tax to change the climate that won’t actually alter anything.

However, I’m also not that naive to think that our government is not so stupid that it won’t actually change our weather for the worse.

So, unless someone in government is willing to admit that the Carbon Tax, or the Emissions Trading Scheme, or the Air Levy, or whatever else they want to call it, has not actually changed one thing about our climate, then I think it’s only fair to blame it for our current weather.

In fact, the government should be held responsible for this massive hit on our winter morale. That alone should be enough to see it tumble out of office, without even looking too much into all its other debacles.

As an aside, who’d have thought all you need to do to wield such power over the sky and the sea is to change the country’s taxation regime?

Any sensible government should at least understand the power in its hands. And that it needs some definite tinkering because Brisbane’s weather is pretty poor at the moment.

I mean, think of the possibilities. The vote-changing possibilities.

I, for one, am pining for the pre-Carbon Tax ‘beautiful one day, perfect the next’ Queensland weather.

I’m sick of the grey skies. And I don’t think I’d be the only person prepared to shift my vote if a party adjusted the nation’s taxes to replace them with warm, sunny days.

Surely if the Carbon Tax has changed our climate (albeit for the worse at this stage), an appropriate committee, linked with the right focus groups and connected with a suitable scientific body, should be able to recommend new settings for climactic bliss. Tim Flannery would, no doubt, be available for the right fee.

An upgraded version of the Carbon Tax could be devised that delivers weather conditions, week-in, week-out, year-in, year-out so that businesses never worry about the weather again. I’m confident a souped-up Carbon Tax would also ensure farmers fret no more about drought.

It could even help out in times of national emergency. Like whenever Australia is asked to bat against the Poms. In those cases, we could just revert back to current settings, put up with stinky weather for a day or two, and save ourselves from being ritually humiliated.

For a country with the taxative power to change the world’s climate, surely this is not too much to ask.

Author: Bernard Gaynor

Bernard Gaynor is a married father of nine children. He has a background in military intelligence, Arabic language and culture and is an outspoken advocate of conservative and family values.

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